


The Umbrella Academy Meets Attack On Titan

by faggotsonline



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon LGBTQ Character, Crossover, Disney World & Disneyland, Everyone Is Gay, F/M, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, LGBT, LGBTQ Character, M/M, POV Jesus, Vacation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-04-12 11:52:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19131478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faggotsonline/pseuds/faggotsonline
Summary: The Hargreeve siblings are sick of fighting and decide to take a break to go to Disney Land. As their plane is flying them to California, there's a sudden crash. Five grabs his siblings and teleports them to an unknown place. A giant chases after them and they meet strange people with swords? Will the Hagreeve siblings survive?





	1. Vacation Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> I put too much time and effort into this.

After dealing with the severity of stopping the fucking apocolypse, the Hargreeves siblings felt they deserved a break. So, they planned a vacation. Since their father took away their childhood they decided to reclaim it by going to Disney. They chose Disneyland instead of Disney World since Space Mountain was way better there. 

They were all putting the finishing touches up on packing up their suitcases, when Five caught their attention. 

" Come on Dolores. " He said, wrapping a scarf around the lifeless mannequin. " We're gonna have lots of fun, just like you've been wanting. " 

" Bro I don't know if they'll even allow you to bring that... " Klaus told the boy. 

" Well, I don't care! She's my wife and she's going on vacation with us! " 

" Alrighty then... is everyone ready? " Diego asked. 

Everybody gave a slight " Yeah " 

" Alright, let's go already. " Vanya spoke, ready to get out of their PTSD mansion. 

After Luther drove them to the airport Five was causing problems by teleporting to passengers in their seats and patting them down for weapons. There was no way he was going to have to reset time again. No fucking way. He was DONE.

" Little shit get the Hell off of me! " Some man yelled. 

" Don't you fucking TEST me! I'm never going back! " Five screamed. 

Alison pulled the feral boy away from the passenger.

" Five what do you think the metal detectors are for?! "

" I DON'T CARE! " he screamed yet again, " THEY DON'T FUCKING WORK! "

" Ma'am you either need to calm your son down or get off of the plane. " An attendee spoke with wide eyes.

" Don't worry, I got this. " Klaus said, pulling out a dirty needle. He stabbed five in the arm while the boy was trying to strangle the flight attendant. 

" What the hell did you just put in him?!?!?! " 

" Horse tranquilizer. "

" KLAUS- "

Just as she was about to freak out the plane went down. The two passengers jumped out together in a suicide pact.

As the plane accelerated towards the sea, Five grabbed a hold of his 5 family members (with Ben attached to Klaus), and teleported out of this wet situation.

Since Five still isn’t the best at teleporting multiple people, they ended up in a not so familiar place. It seemed they were in the middle of the woods.

“ Where are we? Five! Why won’t you work properly? “ Klaus exclaimed.

“ Well, if it weren’t for me dipshit we would’ve been drowning in the sea, so a thank you would be appreciated. “ Five said in his bratty know it all tone.

“ Well, maybe it’d be better to drown than be in the middle of a forest! There might be a pedophile here or a big huge creepy spider that talks. “ Klaus said while frantically looking around.

“ You’re a fucking idiot that’s higher than a fucking kite. Of course you’d be the one to see a huge talking spider with all that shit you put into your body. “  
As the two siblings were about to deepen their argument, they all heard loud crashes coming from right behind them. They turned around and saw a huge giant, it was naked too!

“ Uh, we better fucking start running from this thing, like now! “ Diego stutterted, highly concerned like any other normal human being would be in a similar situation.

The group of 6 (plus Ben) started sprinting like Usain Bolt to get the fuck out of this situation. But the gross naked giant caught up with them quickly.

“ Look what you got us into! You fucking idiot! You disappeared for like 100 years with your stupid powers and now you can’t even save your own family?! Pathetic! “ Luther screeched while pounding on his chest like King Kong.

“ Listen here monkey man, I try my fucking best to help you guys, I went back to save you guys from the apococlypse and this is how I get treated? “ Five got all up in Luther’s face. “ At least for the ‘100’ years I was gone I was doing something useful and not sitting on the moon being a useless piece of shit. “ Five smirked as he saw Luther’s face get red and saw his veins pop up.

“ You better take that back you little shit. “ Luther said through clenched teeth while picking up Five. 

Five smirked. “ No thanks Donkey Kong. “

Just as Luther was about to yeet Five over to the moon, Allison yelled, “ Oh my god! That thing is so close to us and all you guys can do is argue instead of getting us out of this? Plus Vanya’s having a panic attack and this is NOT helping! “

As Allison said these words to the monkeys, the giant grabbed Vanya. But she wasn’t in its grip for long. Vanya broke through it’s strong grip and started to float up, just like Jesus Christ, and had her hands sprawled out in a T Pose position, also like Jesus Christ. She rose above the giant and screamed so loud multiple trees crashed to the ground and the giant fell over. A tree came crashing down ending the giant off.

“ Okay, uh grab on guys. “ Five said as Vanya fell to the ground and Allison caught her.

Five teleported the siblings, but still they ended up in a very not familar place. They were in front of a tall concrete wall.

“ Where are we now? Rome? “ Diego asked in a sarcastic tone.

“ I don’t know dipshit. Probably not Rome. “ Five replied.

“ Well, at least we’re safe from that big naked baby. “ Klaus said. “ Wait, you guys saw that giant too… Right? “

“ Yeah, and it almost killed us, but thanks to Vanya’s anxiety attack, we got saved. “ Luther said, in an unimpressed bitchy tone.

As the siblings were about to discuss where they might be and explore, a group of 7 people in green capes approached them, swords drawn.


	2. Dead Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some gay stuff happens.

“ Who are you? Where did you come from? Do you work for the beast titan? I’ll fucking destroy you! “ A boy with dark brown hair said while putting his sword against Klaus’s neck.

“ Aren’t you going to take me to dinner first before we start BDSM? “ Klaus said as he got an erection. “ You like hookups I guess. “ Klaus was really into knife play.

The boy looked disgusted and pulled his sword away. “ If the beast titan really sent this guys to kill us, he must be desperate. We could destroy these strange creatures easily. “

The group of cloaked idiots nodded in agreement while the group of siblings were offended. These kids obviously had no idea what they could do to these little twerps.

“ Well, for one, we could easily destroy YOU within seconds, but that’s not the point. That giant we saw in the forest, is it one of the titans you talk of? “ Five asked.

“ Who even calls them giants? “ Levi laughed. “ But yes, they are. How don’t you know of titans? Have you guys been living under a rock for your whole lives? “

“ I guess so. “ Diego said while he kept a tight grip on his knives.

“ Why are there so many of you? “ Klaus said while scanning the area. “ Is this some mob attack like kill the beast? “

The group of 7 looked confused and so did his siblings, until they realized Klaus was looking at the dead.

“ Klaus, how many do you see? “ Allison asked.

“ Too many, that’s for sure. There’s at least 100, now I want a fucking drink or some drugs I’m sick of seeing this mutated people. “

Finally, Ben talked to Klaus. “ Dude, you could use this against these freaks just like you did with Hazel and Cha Cha. “ Klaus considered the idea.

“ Okay, but how am I going to do that? It’s obvious these aren’t people they murdered like it was with them. “

The group of freaks were very confused. This man was talking to himself and his group of siblings were just acting as if it was normal. What type of illegal drugs was he on?

Just as Klaus and Ben were thinking about what they could do, a boy with brown hair and freckles ran towards Klaus, pushing the other dead people away. He looked very mutated, but somehow okay at the same time.

“ You’re alive right? “ He frantically asked Klaus.

“ Uhh, I think so. “ Klaus said.

“ Please, I need to talk to them. “ He said while pointing at the group of green cloaks. “ I need to tell them how I died so they know, and I need to talk to Jean… “ The boy blushed while he mentioned Jean’s name.

“ Okay, well what’s your name little boy? “ Klaus asked.

“ Marco, Marco Bott. “ Marco replied.

Klaus laughed. “ Bott? Haha sounds like butt! “

As he said that last name, the group looked at him. The boy with greyish weird looking hair stared Klaus down and started walking towards him.

“ Jean! “ A boy, who very much sounded like a girl, with blonde hair yelled.

“ Armin, I’ll be fine. He knows something about Marco, and I need to know what. “ Jean started walking towards Klaus faster.

A short midget with black hair tried to stop Jean. “ Jean, he’s dangerous. If he knows about Marco he is probably with the beast titan. Don’t risk your life for someone who’s already dead. “

“ Fuck you Levi! “ Jean said while pushing the midget down on the ground.

Jean finally made it towards Klaus. The group of siblings were ready for action against this man.

“ Why did you say Marco’s name? What do you know about him? Are you the titan that killed him? “ Jean said while getting up in Klaus’s face.

“ Calm down buckaroo, your friend Marco just wants to talk to you bud. He said he needs to tell y’all something about his death. “ Klaus said while rolling his eyes at this dumb boy.

“ How do you know? Stop making stuff up! You killed him and you’re here to tell me his dying wishes. “ Jean started to draw his sword.

“ Bro, I can talk to the dead. It’s not that deep. I didn’t kill your friend and have no reason to. I can prove that he’s here. “ Klaus looked at Jean and then continued, “ You know he’s behind you with his hand on your shoulder. “

Jean frantically looked around, but saw nothing. This man was really starting to fuck with his feelings.

The 6 other green cloaked people approached Klaus and Jean. They were all intrigued, but very worried that this was a trick, so they had their hands by their swords, ready to kill some bitches.

“ Jean, be careful, I don’t trust him. “ A girl with short dark hair said.

“ Mikasa, shut the fuck up and go suck Eren’s dick damn. At least you still have the man you love with you! “ Jean looked around at the group of scouts, they looked surprised. “ God, Eren should’ve died instead. He’s so reckless and a suicidal maniac and such a douchebag, while Marco was always careful and so kind, wanting all the things that would be best for the world.” Jean started crying :(

Klaus felt for Jean because that’s how he felt about Dave and he could never see Dave no matter how hard he tried. Klaus also started crying.

Diego went over to Klaus, his favorite brother because Luther sucks, Five is a little brat, and Ben is dead, and hugged him. The rest of the siblings sat in awkward gay silence, just like the scouts. 

Before they had more time to cry and get to see their dead loved ones, the titans appeared. 

“ Really? During my gay crying session? Are you kidding me? “ Klaus said while wiping his tears away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls comment for more :))


	3. Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Jean wants it to physically be with his lover again, but things get hard.

“ Scouts! Get into formation! “ A big blonde sexy buff daddy said. 

They all drew their swords, getting ready to kill these titans.

“ Wait, guys how do you kill these things? We can’t just rely on Vanya to save us all the time; I wanna fight these bitches too since they’ve obviously caused a lot of problems for you guys. “ Diego said.

“ You kill them by the nape of their necks. Just slice it and they’ll die. But you’ll need some ODM gear. “ Levi said. “ Hange, get this people some gear. “ A girl with messy brown hair looked up and ran towards the wall.

“ Nah, I don’t need that shit, neither does my little brother Five. “ Diego said while grabbing his knives.

Levi and the others laughed at him. “ Yeah okay. “ Then they started flying towards the titans with swords drawn. 

Diego shook his head and threw 4 knives at 4 of the titans. They all hit the nape of their necks and made the giant naked babies fall to the ground.

Five took one of Diego’s knives and teleported on a titans shoulder. “ Hey there big buddy. “ Five said while he cut the back of his neck, making yummy blood pour out all over the young school boy.

The scouts killed 4 titans, the Hargreeves killed 6. 

“ What the-? “ Levi started. “ You guys are a bunch of talentless freaks! You just used your weird powers, you have no true talent. You’re witches! “

Allison approached the infuriated midget and whispered in his ear, “ I heard a rumor that you took a nice little nap right the fuck now. “

Levi passed out, sucking his thumb in his sleep like he usually does. The group of scouts stared at him and Allison in awe. 

The girl with wild brown hair and glasses, Hange, approached the group of siblings. “ Wow, how did you do that? Can I test on you guys? Just come to my lab so I can figure out how all of us can be as talented as you 6. “

Klaus spoke up and said, “ Um, it’s 7. Ben is dead right next to me, but if these naked babies come again I’ll unleash his demon. “

“ Spectacular! Didn’t Marco want to tell us something about his death? This should be quite interesting! “ Hange said with wide eyes.

Jean spoke up in an angsty tone, “ It’s not interesting. He’s dead it’s sad. “

Klaus empathized with the boy since he too lost the love of his life, so he told him, “ Hey there buddy Jean, I can conjure up your boyfriend for a little bit so he can tell you guys whatever and you can have gay sex with him. “

The scouts didn’t understand how this was even possible, but conjuring him up might give information on the beast titan, so they were willing to take their chances.

“ You can? Please, just do it already. “ Jean said looking up at the sky like heaven exists.

Klaus started to do some voodoo shit with Marco. It took a few minutes, but then Klaus made a face like he was extremely constipated and conjured up Marco.

Marco was now visible to everyone and he was right in front of Klaus. Time for gay sex!

“ Oh, hi guys. Uh, so I did die from being eaten by a titan, but that’s not all the details to the story. “ Jean was staring him down like he was Beyonce. Marco blushed. “ Well, Reiner and Bert were being very suspicious, and I was watching them and they caught. I was like, ‘uh what’s going on you guys?’, not really knowing what was happening. And then the next thing I knew they were restraining me with some belts-”

Klaus interrupted and said, “ God, I wish that were me. “

“ Oh, anyways yeah they did that and left me on the roof to die for a titan to munch me up for lunch. Annie watched me die too with them. “ Marco stopped talking and everyone was disappointed, but not surprised.

Jean was very angry and wanted revenge on them, but he also wanted to kiss Marco although that’s kind of gay. 

Before Jean could think of putting his lips against Marco’s sweet deformed lips, Levi woke up.

“ What the hell Allison? “ Luther said.

“ Well, I only said a little nap. “

“ What the fuck? “ Levi said while looking at the ghost of Marco.

Klaus was getting tired and felt he could no longer hold Marco there, plus Levi distracted him. Marco disappeared. 

Jean ran at Levi and pinned him to the ground. “ YOU DISTRACTED ME! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! NOW I CAN NEVER KISS HIS SWEET LIPS! “

Erwin approached the hot pinning and picked Jean off of Levi like a bug. “ That’s enough cadet. “ Erwin helped Levi up and whispered something in his ear, making Levi go red.

“ Klaus, can you get Marco to come back? “ Jean begged.

“ I can, but not right now, I’m so tired of this shit I just want a blunt and a beer please. “ Klaus said while falling to the ground, still conscious, but now looking up at the sky thinking of Dave.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 4 coming soon :)


End file.
